How to Prepare for Parenting

How to prepare for parenting is a humorous post. Or is it really? I can’t tell anymore – I’m too tired.

There is a whole lot of joy in parenting but this post is not about that. I hope some of these things make you giggle out loud.

Here is what I wish someone had told me prior to parenting but before I fell pregnant. If you’re pregnant – don’t read this.

12 ways to Prepare for Parenting

Everytime your phone rings, turn on the radio full blast or run to stand next to someone already talking, preferably at the tops of their lungs.
Set your alarm to go off every 3 hours at night and when it goes off throw all the blankets off you. Do not give in to the urge to pull them back over you.
Leave your hairbrush and a plastic container in the walkway between your bedroom and the toilet, somewhere you can be certain you will stand on them.
Play the same CD in your car for 4 years and don’t change it to the radio, ever.
Hide the front door keys, car keys and tv remote.
Throw all your clothes in the car and then get a spoon of sand and a spoon of sugar and toss that over your clothes.
Before leaving the house smear tooth paste over your shoulder and down your chest.
Only eat 1/3rd of your meal and only 30 minutes after its gone cold, especially if you’re out at a restuarant.
When grocery shopping always use a trolley and do not exceed hobbling pace while randomly shouting out ‘no don’t touch’ every couple of minutes.
Full your handbag with things you don’t need and take out your wallet and anything else functional. Bag should weigh 5kgs minimum.
Give your money away. Just give it away.
Suck a lolly or candy and then smear it over your phone, computer keyboard and television.