Crying in my car

I just caught crying in my car

I’m not a crier. I’m really not a crier. It’ll take you years of knowing me and knowing me well to see real tears.

And in spite of my general lack of tears, the principal of my daughter’s new day-care just caught me crying in my car in the car park.

It’s my daughter’s first day of daycare. While she’s been talking about being a turtle for months, she clearly thought that her and I would both be going to the turtle class together. It only just dawned on her that her mom wasn’t also going to be a turtle.

…I’m so sad that she’s sad

I’m so sad that she’s sad. I had to turn and leave her screaming at the gate of the turtle room. Holding her favourite soft toy, her new Elsa bottle and her First-Day-Of-School outfit she chose for herself. She’s crying so hard she’s shaking. She’s screaming too, loud enough for me to hear outside the building and in the car park.

For her whole little life I have been by her side, my daily company is one of her most certain routines and I’ve shaken that all up.

But i know it’s best

I know it’s best for her – she needs the stimulation and social interaction that day care provides. It’s only two days a week but it’ll bring her so much joy when she lets go of her need for me.

I also know that she needs to learn to be away from me, she needs to understand that other people can be trusted. She needs to learn how to cope and manage and get through being one of a group.
There are so many reasons why going to daycare is right for her right now.

I just did not realize how hard I would take this. It probably hits you a whole lot harder when you aren’t expecting it. The exhaustion from the kids’ jet-lag doesn’t help much either.

The house is quiet and there is no one following me around constantly, no one to scrunch up all the clean washing and leave it hiding where I’ll only find it a week later, no one to change the settings of the dishwasher when I turn my back, no one to babble at me constantly.
Thankfully there is a whole lot of mess and a half eaten breakfast to keep me company.

First Day Care Pack 

The school said I can phone in an hour to see how she is and if she’s still inconsolable I can go and fetch her and we’ll just try again on her next day. In the meantime they gave me a First-Day-At-School Care package: a tea bag for a minute to myself, tissues to wipe away tears and chocolates to cheer myself up.

Until I phone in an hour I may just have a cup of tea and some chocolates and try get used to the peace and quiet.