Top 10 Rules of Wedding Etiquette for Guests

After attending over 100 weddings in the last couple years, I’ve decided to put together a list of the top 10 mistakes I see guests make over and over again at weddings. These Top 10 Rules of Wedding Etiquette for Guests, will help you be the “perfect guest” the next time you attend a wedding.

1. MOBILE DEVICES

Since the popularity of smart phones and mobile devices has grown exponentially over the last 15 years, and the ability for mobile devices to take pictures has become the industry standard, the general public has assumed they have the right to take photographs anytime, anyplace, completely losing sight of privacy, respect and etiquette.

Fact: Taking pictures during a ceremony is interfering with the professional photographer. Your mobile device is cluttering up a beautiful picture or completely getting in the way.

Keep in mind, on average, wedding photography takes up 10-20% of the bride & grooms wedding budget. They could have easily paid $1000-$4000 for high quality images, to capture one of the most intimate moments in their lives.

When they are looking through their photographs, do you want to be “that guy” that used their phone and completely ruined the shot for the newlyweds? Be respectful and put your phone away.

 

2. GIVE THE PHOTOGRAPHERS SPACE

On that note, even if you have a nice camera and are an inspiring photographer, you need to be respectful of the space professional photographers need to do their job. They’ve been paid top dollar with high expectations to get specific shots, so you being the Pinterest happy photo enthusiast that you are, and jumping in the middle of the shot, is really you just being an ass (to be frank about it).

It’s also inappropriate to stand next to or behind the photographer while he/she is trying to get portraits of the bride & groom, or formal family portraits. Your flash just ruined the shot, the people in the photographs can’t focus their eyes on the right camera, and your potentially stepping on the copyrights the professional photographer has over specific images.

If you want the same photo the photographer is taking, speak with the them later and inquire how you can get copies.

3. NEVER WEAR ALL WHITE

It may be considered an “old school” rule, but wearing all white to a wedding is still a big faux pas. Why? Because it’s considered trying to compete with bride, show her up, or move all the attention to yourself. It’s inappropriate and silently rude.

Unless it’s been specifically requested to wear all white… DON’T. If you do choose to wear white, incorporate it with other colors, patters and accessories and make sure it resembles nothing of a wedding dress.

Also avoid wearing all ivory, bone or champagne if that is what the bride may be wearing.

4. DRESS APPROPRIATELY

Keep in mind a wedding is generally a formal occasion. It’s not club night at Studio 54 and its not hanging out in a bachelor pad watching sports TV. Avoid revealing clothing or dressing down to jeans and a t-shirt.

At a minimum wear slacks and a dress shirt and clothes that tastefully drape over your physical qualities.

5. DON’T CUT IN AT THE BUFFET

We get it. You’re hungry and the one thing you’ve been looking forward to at the reception is the food, but there is a proper etiquette to follow when it comes to buffets.

A. Don’t start picking food off the buffet while the catering staff is still setting it up.

B. Wait your turn! In most cases, the DJ or Wedding Coordinator will politely dismiss tables a couple at a time, starting with the wedding party and immediate family. This is in order to avoid over crowding around the buffet and seating area, to avoid a long wait in line and for the catering staff to restock food at a reasonable pace. Be patient and wait until your table is dismissed.

C. Control your sweet tooth and don’t pick off the dessert buffet until after the cake cutting and it has been officially announced that the dessert buffet is now open.

D. Before dipping in on the small cake that the bride & groom cut, be sure it isn’t exclusive to them. It is traditional that the single tier or smallest tier of a wedding cake is saved for the bride and groom, to freeze and enjoy again on their first anniversary.

6. REMEMBER TO RSVP

You’ve received your invitation with a note to “Please RSVP by X date”… and you don’t. SO ANNOYING!

Now the couple has to call and email you to find out if you are attending, all the while trying to follow up with the other 50 guests who didn’t have the courtesy to RSVP and while vendors, especially catering, is asking for a final headcount in order to supply enough food in time for the wedding.

If you do RSVP that you are attending, don’t pull a “no show”. The couple just paid $100 for your meal and you just stood them up. P.S. They don’t get their money back if you don’t show up.

If you don’t RSVP, don’t be offended when there isn’t a seat for you at a table. You didn’t RSVP so they assumed you weren’t coming. Also, sometimes space and accommodations at a venue is limited, and seating arrangements are based on those who had the courtesy to RSVP.

If you RSVP that you can’t attend, and then decide you can, try to update the couple ASAP so they can make the appropriate arrangements for seating and catering.

7. YOUR PLUS ONE

If the invitation is specifically written to you, or you and your partner/husband/wife, then that is who is invited, ONLY. Not all your children, cousins or an acquaintance from yoga class.

If the invitation is to “You & Family” then the invitation extends to you and your children.

If the invitation is to “You and Guest” then only you plus 1 is invited. Not plus 2 or more. Be sure to provide the full name of your guest too.

If your not sure if you can bring a guest, look at the RSVP card. If their isn’t a place on the RSVP card to write in a guest name, it is very likely the couple would prefer you not to bring a date. Don’t take offense to this. There are a number of reasons the option may not be available to you.

A. They don’t have it in their budget to host food and drinks for their 20 single friends to bring 20 extra people. The average wedding costs $100 per person.
B. The space they have chosen to celebrate in may not have the capacity to accommodate extra guests, so the couple has carefully narrowed their guest list down to key family members and closest friends. Be honored you’re invited.
C. They may be trying to plan for a “kid free” celebration.
D. Ok… maybe they really don’t like the people you choose to date. Again, just be honored you got the invite and get over it.

8. BRING A GIFT

The couple just paid a lot of money to make sure you are provided delicious food and drinks for the night, and have put a lot of time, money and careful planning into making the night not only perfect for them, but for you too.

Even if you’re on a tight budget, or can’t afford a gift, the thought still counts. You can buy them something small and meaningful, DIY a gift, provide a gift card or even a simple “Congratulations” card can go a long way.

Believe it or not, it is noticed if you don’t send a gift, and it can sometimes feel pretty hurtful.

You don’t have to go big, but don’t go empty handed.

9. DON’T TAKE THE WEDDING DECORATIONS

For some, it’s a tradition to take the centerpieces at weddings, however traditions have changed and that centerpiece may be a $40 rental that will cost the newlyweds $100 each if not returned. Before taking anything from the wedding as a “souvenir”, check with the wedding planner, other staff or the newlyweds.

10. SOCIAL MEDIA

Weddings & social media is a big faux pas that most people don’t think about. It’s really important not to post pictures of the Save the Date or Wedding Invitation to any social media pages prior to the wedding. Because it is an “invite only” event, some shared friends and family may get their feelings hurt when they realize they aren’t on the guest list. In addition, it is a private event, so it shouldn’t be shared on any public forum anyways.

Don’t post pictures of the wedding ceremony, reception, or bride & groom online without consent of the bride & groom. Weddings are a private and/or religious celebration and isn’t meant to be shared on public forums such as Twitter, Facebook or other. The bride & groom may wish to only have their professional photos posted online, and photos that they have had the opportunity to review and approve before being posted. Posting some pics of cool decor or the venue is generally OK, but don’t post any photos or videos of the couple or guests, especially the bride & groom, without consent.

This is a great article on social media etiquette for the newlyweds and for guests.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diane-gottsman/social-media-etiquette-fo_b_5255189.html

Featured image found on http://blog.snapable.com/2012/10/shoot-a-wedding-on-your-phone/.