being a working mom: the struggle of the juggle

Being a Working Mom – the struggle of the juggle

Being a Working Mom – the struggle of the juggle

Parenting is hard work, no matter what your arrangement is. This post is specifically on being a working mom and what I’ve found to be my experience.

I know I’m not alone in this, I come across other working moms who are struggling. This post is for those of us who are struggling with the juggle. This post is for those moms who are trying to work out whether to go back to work.

This post is real and raw and it’s the honest truth. Welcome to being a working a mom…

 

 

being a working mom

Being a Working Mom 

You think that because you’re becoming a working mom you will be able to have adult conversations, go to the loo by yourself even get to have a hot drink while it is still hot. And yes, you do, there are those perks.

But my gosh, there is a whole other side to it. The downside of being a working mom and the struggle of the juggle. 

 

1. Being a working mom is so tiring. 

Looking after kids full time is tiring. I’ve been there I know that all too well. Adding the dynamic of working and juggling kids and work is tiring. Actually, it’s exhausting. Come Saturday morning I just want to lie in bed and pretend I’m asleep. 

Balancing the: 

A)  physicalities of being around the kids.

B) the mental attention required at work.

C) the emotional side to being a working mom. Remember you’re feeling all these things, all the time. 

You are exhausted. 

 

2. You worry 

Worry, when it comes to being a parent is normal. It becomes a normal state of play from the very first day they are born. If not from the first day they are born, the first time they look unwell, or miss a feed of sleep to much or too little. 

This worry is different. This worry stems not from being there and sensing something unusual, it stems from not being there. 

I don’t know what is going on with my kids during the day. I don’t know if someone is being mean to them or didn’t pick them for the game. I’m not there if they have a toilet accident and are too embarrassed to tell anyone. I’m not there if they hurt themselves. I’m just not there. 

Yes, I’ll find out if it serious and yes, I do get updated but I’m not there. And it’s just not the same. 

3. You get hit by Irrational Panic

The panic is quiet separate from the worry. It starts from the minute you wake up and you panic that you’ve woken up too late to get everything done and everyone out the door on time. The panic about the lunch boxes and where that silly sun hat disappeared to, or the favourite shirt. Then I realise I have no clothes and I’m standing in the kitchen making samdwhiches or finding a clean dummy sopping wet in a towel. 

Then we have to try escape the house when the kittens looking the other way so he doesn’t give chase and land up stranded. 

I find myself driving round and round the block for school, panicking he won’t get there on time and he’ll be rushed and late. The byproduct is that I’m also rushed and late and get to work thoroughly worn out already. 

Then you spend the day at work trying not to worry about the kids so that as soon as you leave you can panic about getting to your kids on time. 
Struggle with the juggle 

 

Parenting is hard work, no matter what your arrangement is. This post is specifically on being a working mom and what I've found to be my experience. I know I'm not alone in this, I come across other working moms who are struggling. This post is for those of us who are struggling with the juggle. This post is for those moms who are trying to work out whether to go back to work. This post is real and raw and it's the honest truth. Welcome to being a working a mom...

4. The working mom guilt 

By far the strongest emotion that hits you is Guilt.

Ask any mom who is trying to work and raise kids. You feel guilty all the time. The predominate guilt is that you can’t be with your children all the time. That you can’t focus on their needs all the time. That you can’t rush to them the minute they need you. That you can’t spend hours and hours doing projects with them or just having down-time with them. 

You also feel guilty about work. I feel guilty that I get there late, can’t always focus on what I’m doing because I’ve suddenly remembered something I forgot. I also feel that I should be doing better or more, if you leave early you feel guilty for leaving early. 

 

The reasons for the guilt are endless. 

 

My son is one of four kindergarten children that go to after school care. One of four. Out of the whole year. And one of 24 out of the whole junior school. I feel awful that he is there. My daughter who is only 3 is often the last child at her day-care. It wrecks me with guilt that I’m not there for my children in the afternoons like my mom was for me. 

5. There is NO time for your unhappiness. 

This is probably something you don’t even realize until you have a bad day. 

The reality of the struggle with the juggle is that when it gets you down you can’t feel awful. When do you have time to have a cry, when do you have time for ten minutes to feel awful and let it all out. Never. You are either at work or you’re desperately trying to be stable and engaged for your children. Last week all I wanted to do was to leave work and have a cry about something but I couldn’t, I couldn’t arrive at my daughter’s daycare with tears streaming down my face. I had to put on my happy face and just be grateful that I could get a big cuddle from my tiny tot. 

Unfortunately, even in the best job in the world, the job that you do well all the time, you’re still going to feel unhappy sometimes. Sometimes it’s based on the above emotions becoming overwhelming and other times it’s because you feel like a second-rate mom. 

the struggle of being a working mom,

 

6. I’m not the mom I want to be

Some people tend to think I have it worked out. I really don’t. My son, had biscuits for breakfast last week because he woke up too late. I was ashamed, so much so, that I also asked him not to tell anyone at school. I’m that bad at this parenting gig some days. 

I’m definitely not the mom I want to be. I’d like to sit with my kids and de-brief with them after school and not rush in at night and try feed them and bath them in record time. I’d like to be able to cook dinner every night but that doesn’t happen – I’m too tired and have no brain space for thoughts about what I can make from what’s in the fridge. 

I’d like to not rush my kids into school and then panic once it’s done. 

But that’s all on me, I need to work out a routine that works for us and achieves those things.

 

7. Explaining it to your kids 

With really little kids there isn’t a need to explain. Yes they know that they go somewhere or that you’re not there but they haven’t started asking questions. All you do for very little kids is spend as much quality time with them and be present when you’re in their presence. 

Unfortunately, when they hit 2 or 3 they start asking. And not only do they ask where you go but they ask why you have to go. And this is just heartbreaking.

Looking down at that little face asking you to stay home is just like a punch in the tummy. 

 

the struggle of being a working mom

They don’t understand the complexities of the situation. They don’t understand mortgages and food costs, car re-payments, petrol or school fees. Thankfully a time will come when they do understand and you will be able to explain that both mom and dad get to go to work so that we can have somewhere nice to sleep, under a roof and we get food in our tummies. In this way, we can maybe teach them gratitude and equality and they can see it in action in their own lives.

Until that day, I’m just going to take the tummy punches and keep smiling so they think I’ve got it all under control. 

 

 

2 thoughts on “Being a Working Mom – the struggle of the juggle

  1. Thanks for your honest and raw explanation of your reality!!! I have so much of this on my mind as we await the arrival of our little boy in June, and without experiencing it myself firsthand yet it’s quite helpful to know your experience and what to be prepared for… xoxox

    1. Hi Michelle

      Thank you so much for your comments. It is hard but I feel like a lot of the hardships are overcome if you have a really strong support network. Having family nearby or friends that are family makes it a lot easier. I also found that having someone that can stand in the gap for you makes it so much easier. When we had the help of a nanny, her and I were a team and I felt like I could manage more but sometimes when you you don’t have the support you do feel lost. Just start laying foundations now for when you need them and lean on people you trust. xx

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